Shirts You Can Wear

Allah Ak-byebye

shirtsyoucanwear — Sun, 08 May 2011 00:59:02 +0000

Good riddance to the evil terrorist mastermind who is responsible for why we have to take off our shoes at airport security and get our socks all dirty.

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Good riddance to the evil terrorist mastermind who is responsible for why we have to take off our shoes at airport security and get our socks all dirty.

I beat dsylxeia

shirtsyoucanwear — Mon, 17 May 2010 17:56:30 +0000

Overcoming adversity is an essential ingredient in the great American character. I myself was born with a crippling fear of spatulas. Metal spatulas, wooden spatulas, even plastic spatulas–it didn’t matter. At the mere sight of one of these hideous, crooked monsters I would shake with fear, go blind with panic, and wet my pants. It wasn’t until one day, when I was really really hungry for an omelet, that I stood up and said enough! If I don’t make this omelet, right here and right now, then the spatulas win. I could not let that happen. And so I made that omelet, but the spatula slipped from my grip, slicing my hand clean off. The doctor’s could not save my hand (it had fallen in hot bacon grease), but they were able to fuse a new prosthetic onto my stump: the spatula. Now that I have a spatula for a hand, I make an omelet every day.

Prices start at $16.95 and up depending on style and color.
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I beat dyslxeia

You remind me of that person from that thing at that place

shirtsyoucanwear — Fri, 14 May 2010 18:18:34 +0000

You think you know someone and then, one day, there they are sitting down at breakfast eating a bowl of shredded wheat. What the hell? Isn’t that the stuff they sell to horses all tied up in bales? Who eats that of their own free will? So now here you are, living with someone who eats shredded wheat and it’s too late to get out now, because it’s time to send the kids off to school.

Prices start at $16.95 and up depending on style and color.
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You remind me of that person from that thing at that place

Ask me about my three felony convictions

shirtsyoucanwear — Fri, 14 May 2010 18:12:35 +0000

It’s time we put the past behind us. Lee Harvey Oswald? He probably just slipped cleaning his rifle in a private, strategic location. Vietnam? Look at all the great movies that came out of it! Colonizing North America — a bit overenthusiastic perhaps, but tribal gas stations don’t pay tax on cigarette sales so now we’re cool. Judge a man not by what he has done, but what he would do if he wasn’t doing whatever it is he’s doing now.

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Ask me about my three felony convictions

Be yourself. Unless you’re a jerk. Then be someone else.

shirtsyoucanwear — Thu, 13 May 2010 21:42:09 +0000

It hurts when you feel misunderstood. If a woman is a demanding leader then she’s a “bitch”. If a boy plays with a Barbie doll then he’s “gay”. If a man stabs you twelve times, wraps you in duct tape, ties you to a cinder block, and dumps you into the Husdon River, he’s a “murderer”. All I’m saying is, let’s move past the easy labels.

Prices start at $16.95 and up depending on style and color.
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Be yourself. Unless you're a jerk. Then be someone else.

Wear a shirt in 3 easy steps!

shirtsyoucanwear — Thu, 13 May 2010 21:36:24 +0000

I know, I know, nobody reads the manual anyway. But at least it’s there when you need it. You never know.

Prices start at $16.95 and up depending on style and color.
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Wear a shirt in 3 easy steps! 1. Find shirt 2. Buy shirt 3. Put on shirt

This is a test shirt. If this was a real shirt it would be a lot cleaner.

shirtsyoucanwear — Thu, 13 May 2010 21:33:53 +0000

They say that cleanliness is next to Godliness, but I am cleanest when I am in the shower. Is God in my shower too? How did he get there? I’m pretty sure I locked the front door. I don’t think God should just come barging in while I’m in the shower. At least He could wait in the living room, maybe watch some TV until I come out. He wouldn’t like what he sees anyway. Nobody does.

Prices start at $16.95 and up depending on style and color.
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This is a test shirt. If this was a real shirt, it would be a lot cleaner

I visited Utah but all I got was two lousy wives.

shirtsyoucanwear — Tue, 11 May 2010 23:55:44 +0000

If you’ve never been at an all-night speakeasy deep in a Western frontier town, where the only thing cheaper than the drinks are the women, and midgets keep the bar clean using their tongues, while management prowls around punching random patrons in the faces, all the while the most beautiful music you’ve ever heard plays on a jukebox that has only one song, then I don’t recommend it.

Prices start at $16.95 and up depending on style and color.
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I visited Utah but all I got was two lousy wives.

If you see me wearing this, I am probably high

shirtsyoucanwear — Tue, 11 May 2010 23:45:52 +0000

Mnemonics is the art of using shortcuts to remember complex things. For example, if you meet three people named Joseph, William, and Richard, you could make up the mnemonic “Joe, Bill, and Dick” to instantly recall their names. Another good shortcut is “pi” which stands for 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209749445923078164062
86208998628034825342117067821480865132823066470938446095505822317253594
08128481117450284102701938521105559644622948954930381964428810975665933
44612847564823378678316527120190914564856692346034861045432664821339360
72602491412737245870066063155881748815209209628292540917153643678925903
60011330530548820466521384146951941511609433057270365759591953092186117
38193261179310511854807446237996274956735188575272489122793818301194912
98336733624406566430860213949463952247371907021798609437027705392171762
93176752384674818467669405132000568127145263560827785771342757789609173
63717872146844090122495343014654958537105079227968925892354201995611212
90219608640344181598136297747713099605187072113499999983729780499510597
31732816096318595024459455346908302642522308253344685035261931188171010
00313783875288658753320838142061717766914730359825349042875546873115956
28638823537875937519577818577805321712268066130019278766111959092164201989

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If you see me wearing this, I am probably high.

I am your real father. BTW, Happy Birthday!

shirtsyoucanwear — Tue, 11 May 2010 23:38:11 +0000

The night you were conceived, I had just returned from a space mission. We had delivered critical supplies to the International Space Station — petri dishes, oxygen tanks, and Cheez-Its — and I re-enetered Earth’s atmosphere with the usual euphoria. Although we’d landed in Cleveland due to cloud cover and a broken GPS I was still pretty excited to be back. I grabbed the first woman I saw (she was enjoying a Coke and a smoke waiting for the 7AM bus) and gave her the works. That woman? Your mother’s sister.

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I am your real father. BTW, Happy Birthday!