Ask me about my three felony convictions

It’s time we put the past behind us. Lee Harvey Oswald? He probably just slipped cleaning his rifle in a private, strategic location. Vietnam? Look at all the great movies that came out of it! Colonizing North America — a bit overenthusiastic perhaps, but tribal gas stations don’t pay tax on cigarette sales so now we’re cool. Judge a man not by what he has done, but what he would do if he wasn’t doing whatever it is he’s doing now.

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